


Humming

by polishpromdress



Category: The Outsiders (1983), The Outsiders - All Media Types, The Outsiders - S. E. Hinton
Genre: F/M, Vietnam War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-01
Updated: 2016-08-01
Packaged: 2018-07-28 12:39:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7640476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/polishpromdress/pseuds/polishpromdress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As the boys turn 18, they are shipped off to fight in the Vietnam war. Jessica just needs to stay happy, and keep everyone from assuming the worst. Unfortunately, the war would bring the gang's harshest fears to life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Humming

**Author's Note:**

> *Post-book  
> *Johnny/Dallas still alive

“Can you pass the potatoes, Darry?” Ponyboy asked from the other side of the table.  
Darry didn’t answer him, lost in a trance.  
I nudged him, raising my eyebrows at him when he shot me a look of confusion. Sodapop glanced at me sadly, then continued to look into his food.  
“Right, I-I’m sorry, Pone. Here you go.” He finally replied, shaking his head to himself. 

“So, erm-Jess are you ready for midterms next week?” Johnny said, trying to lighten the mood.  
Next week.  
Those words rang in my head over and over until I ended up dropping my fork. Dallas reached over and picked it up, looking at me in the eyes real hard before squeezing my hand and returning to his seated position.  
I coughed,”Yeah. I mean, I think so. I guess, we'll just have to see.”

Without warning, Sodapop darted out of his seat and stomped up to his room.

Tomorrow was Soda’s 18th birthday. And, only a single day after that, he would be deployed into Vietnam to fight the war. Needless to say, the family was taking it fairly hard. I have been dating Sodapop since he was about 15, and been hanging around the gang since I was 14. I was a runaway, a cousin of Buck’s. Dal and him took me in and inevitably I met the gang, and we have been family since. I was a year younger than Soda and Dal, so all the boys were big brothers to me, Pone and Johnny being my best friends. 

Steve left right after his birthday in April, and Two-Bit was gone before he could even graduate. Dallas’ birthday wasn’t until November, and I prayed and prayed the war would be done by then. I prayed it would be done by tomorrow, yesterday..I pray it hadn’t ever started. Nothing has quite made a bigger impact on all of us. When Johnny got hurt real bad almost a year and a half ago, we all thought maybe it was the end of the world. Now, I think it actually is. 

Darry hasn’t been called to war, and under law he doesn’t have to since he is Ponyboy’s legal guardian for almost three more years. It was something the court was able to work out after the custody battle, thank god. 

I ran after Sodapop, seeing Dallas put his head in his hands as I did so. I slowly opened the door to his room to see him sitting on the edge of his bed staring blankly at the wall in front of him. I sat next to him in silence, putting my head on his shoulder as I began to feel my face get hot with frustration and sadness. He turned and kissed the top of my head, wrapping his arms around me.  
“You know, maybe I’ll see all the guys when I get down there. That would be grand. Steve’s last letter said that him and Two-Bit were heading down to south Vietnam with the rest of the guys on a search and destroy mission, neither has written since…” He trailed off. 

I grabbed his chin and turned him towards me. He frowned, looking over my face. 

“I’m sorry about dinner, Soda. But. you remember how it was when Two and Steve-”  
“I know, Jessica. I know. I’m not mad I just want to be able to enjoy my birthday tomorrow and for me to spend one minute not thinking about the war. Lord knows it's all I’ve thought about lately as is.”

I turned from him, wiping my face of a falling tear. I sniffed pathetically and sighed. 

 

xxxxxx

MORNING

I woke up earlier than usual, a pang of fear and guilt hitting me deep in my stomach as I realized what day it was. I rolled out of bed and walked across the hall, passing Dally’s room and going into the bathroom to wash up. I looked as bad as I felt, if not worse. The bags under my eyes were so dark I looked like I had been in a rumble. I decided to avoid my reflection for today. I pulled my hair into a ponytail and couldn’t help but notice out of the corner of my eye that the light blonde the summer graced me with was slowly fading with the fall. Sodapop would say something about it, soon. He always did. 

I heard a groan, and soon enough Dallas was stumbling out of his room.  
“Mornin’ doll.” He said, as I passed him on the way back to my room. A few minutes later he knocked on my door with the geeky smirk I always thought made him look like a 15 year old again. Dallas was surprisingly a morning person, which in the longrun made things easier. Especially on days like today. 

We headed down the stairs to the main bar, a box addressed to Soda under my arm. Buck was cleaning bar glasses. I raised an eyebrow at him and smiled, he was never here this early. Of course, even when I didn’t confide in Buck, Dallas always did. 

We hopped in Dallas’ truck and headed over to the Curtis’, which wasn't more than a ten minute drive-if that. Nonetheless, Dallas flipped through the few radio stations he got impatient and trying to find a song he could listen to for more than a verse. He would fail, of course, as usual.  
We pulled up to the driveway and I didn’t even realize I was shaking until I tried to open the car door.  
“Jess-”  
“I’m fine.” I barked back at Dallas before he had the chance to go on.  
He nodded slowly, putting an arm around me as we walked into the house. Johnny was asleep on the couch and mumbled a, “hey” before drifting back to sleep. Dallas plopped down in the armchair and I made my way to Darry’s room, tiptoeing past Ponyboy and Sodapop Is the best I could. I knocked lightly before entering, slipping in through the barely opened door so it wouldn’t creak.  
Darry was reading the paper, which was filled with names of men who would never make it home to their families for a birthday, or christmas, or passover, or a drive in flick or-

“Oh, Jess, always the punctual one.” Darry said with a grin, patting down the blanket next to him, motioning for me to sit.  
I sighed, leaning my head against the backboard of the bed. 

Darry ruffled my hair.  
“Take it easy, kid. Steve and Two-Bit will find him and take good care of him. I’ve got a few buddies who have been in for a few runs who are gonna keep an eye on him, too.”  
I stifled a small chuckle at the thought of all three of them accidentally setting something off, or raiding the war nurse’s tent.  
“Besides, there isn’t a son of a bitch in the world who would dare to hurt a kid as smiley as our Soda. They would go straight to hell.” Darry whispered, shaking his paper out and pushing his glasses back up his nose.  
I leaned up against him, laying my head against his shoulder.  
“You know, you’ve gotta take care of old Dally before he leaves. He loves Soda, sure, but all this time he has really been getting beat up over how sad you get. Such a different person hiding under all that leather..” He trailed off.

This only hurt me more. I know Darry didn’t mean it in any way other than how he said it, but it would keep me thinking for hours. 

“Now, someone’s gotta wake the birthday boy up.” He said with a grin, nudging me.  
Right before I walked out of the room I turned on my heels, finally speaking.

“How do you have so much hope, Dar? How come you’re not shaking, or losing sleep? Am I looking at this all wrong?”I said in a voice that grew very small. 

Darry stood up and walked over to me, putting his hands on my shoulders and looking at me right in the eyes.  
“I have my faith, kid. I have a sister who cares for these boys like she’s known me since forever. I have two boys who are so intelligent it makes my head spin, and another one who is in and out of the cooler so much he doesn’t see how wise he really is. I’ve got a roof over my head, love pouring out of me like a schoolgirl, and the air in my lungs. I stopped being sad about what I couldn’t control, and instead replaced it with hope for the better. I’m gonna miss my little buddy like crazy, but there is a difference: I love the kid. You, on the other hand, are in love with him. So I guess my job is a little easier at times.” he finished, kissing my forehead as I stood, spellbound and frozen.

I walked out, my eyebrows knit with so many emotions my face couldn’t comprehend it. I shook it off, opening Pone and Soda’s room.  
The bed was empty.

I panicked, immediately lifting the sheets off their bed and searching for any trace of them. In just moments, I was transported to a fear I haven’t felt in years. From behind the door, Sodapop tackled me onto the bed, tickling me and laughing his head off while Ponyboy cackled in the corner. I sighed in relief as tears I would blame on the giggling spilled over my eyes and fell down my cheeks in streaks. 

“Happy birthday, you asshole.” I mumbled when we were forehead to forehead. Ponyboy was still laughing like a maniac, something I haven’t heard in a real long time. Johnny and Dallas came in, confused and tired, and soon enough, we were all laughing just like Ponyboy was. My stomach ached and my face was flooded with tears again until Daryl came in and shooed us all to the kitchen so he could make breakfast for us. 

 

We sat on the couch around Soda opened his presents one by one. Johnny got him a new football, (ours had been run over a couple months back). Dallas got him a flask with his name engraved on it.  
“You know I don’t drink, Dal.” Soda said with a chuckle. “But, I’ll keep..small amounts of orange juice in it at a time. I love it, man.”  
Dallas shrugged and we all smiled.  
Ponyboy got Sodapop a pass to the drive in which gave him six movies for free with popcorn included. Man, I’ve never seen his face light up like that before.  
I got him a new baseball cap, some candy, a belt and a new comb. He gleefully squeezed me, kissing my cheek, before heading to Darry’s gift, which he ripped open quickly.  
He stared at it for awhile before fully unwrapping it for us all to see. Sodapop cleared his throat, putting the excess wrapping paper on the ground next to him. It was customized stationery. On any other day, the gift would have been thanked for and most likely shoved in an old drawer with the rest of the unused school supplies and envelopes. But, it was different now. And we all felt it. 

My throat got tight, and ponyboy took a deep breath.  
“That’s beautiful, Darry. Where did you get it from?” I blurted out, unable to deal with the silence any longer.  
“My buddy Mike, his mom makes stationary.” He said, rubbing the back of his neck.  
“Thanks, buddy.” Soda said hoarsely.  
“I think it's time for cake.” Dallas said, causing us all to happily spring up and make our way to the kitchen.

****

I sat on Sodapop’s bed, scribbling down two addresses: Mine and Dally’s, and absentmindedly the Curtis’, even though he obviously knew it by heart. I stuffed the piece of paper in with the box his stationery was held in and then lowered it into his trunk. Soda was throwing in things randomly. A t-shirt here, a toothbrush there, a pair of socks.  
I stretched my head back and closed my eyes. I prayed more and more these days, and I found myself doing it in moments like this, when i’m most thankful, not when I’m in need. I looked around at the room, and focused on Sodapop’s side. He was a simple man, but not without hope, or motivation. For example, there were no famous surfers or signed pictures of Elvis hanging from his side of the wall, but instead, a framed picture of all of us, the first dollar he ever made at the DX, and a letter his teacher had written him before he dropped out that to this day he won’t open.  
Sodapop’s humming interrupted my thoughts.\  
Oh, another thing; he may be simple in possessions, but his mind was the most fearless, complex thing ever created. Somehow, day after day, he wakes up with a smile on his face. Despite war, death, heartache he decides to hum. He’s bursting with positivity, and god dammit if that doesn’t help win this war fast I don’t know what will. 

He plopped down on the bed next to me, letting out a sharp breath as he did so. He smirked, turning his head to face me.  
“You’re not gonna run off with some Soc while I’m gone, are ya?” Soda chuckled.  
I hit him in the chest and laid my head back into his shoulder.  
“Sodapop Curtis, how am I gonna get along without you?”

Soon I drifted to sleep, wishing we wouldn’t have to wake up.

 

____________________

THE MORNING OF

I awoke to the shuffling of things across the wood floor, and hushed voices in the dark. I stretched my head up and scrambled to make out what the clock said in the dark. It was merely 5AM, and I groaned, putting my head back under the pillow.  
“Jess,” Sodapop whispered.  
I peeked from under the pillow, laying on my back and looking up at him.  
“I gotta go, okay? We-we’ve gotta go to the bus station now.”  
I had almost forgotten. I felt my throat close up as I nodded, getting up silently and grabbing my coat.  
The truck was already packed, and one by one the 6 of us squeezed in. The drive was short, and filled with silence. When we reached the bus station, we piled out and stood in the cold fall wind, watching the sun slowly come up over the hill behind the building.  
Johnny was the first to hug Soda, squeezing him tightly.  
“You keep that blade on you and try not to let Ponyboy get you in too much trouble, okay?”  
Johnny nodded, staying quiet as always.  
Ponyboy kinda crashed into his arms like I’d seen only a couple times before. He was crying, and soon, we all were. It was different with Soda, he was the light of the group. He kept us positive and happy like our little pill. He was irreplaceable, and that’s truly what we were all trying not to think about.

 

Dallas gave him a hug and halfway through they were both giggling through stuffy noses. They had become so close since Steve left.  
Darry came next, and I couldn’t help but look away. I knew the moment Darry showed emotion I was gonna break down so fast it would make my head spin. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes to see Soda coming towards me , eyes about ready to spill over. I shook my head and collapsed in his arms.  
“You keep an eye on Pony and Johnny, okay?” He whispered. “And, take care of old Dal. Keep him happy before he leaves. Don’t let Ponyboy and Darry kill each other. I’ll see you soon. I love you, princess.” He kissed me, and I hugged him one last time.  
The bus pulled up, and we helped him grab his stuff together before huddling in a group a couple yards from the bus.  
He walked away with a smile on his face, humming, of course. He turned to wave and raised his eyebrows at me.  
“No Socs, remember?”  
“No nurses!” I countered.  
He winked, nodded, and went on the bus with a few other boys.

 

******************

“Jessica?” I heard a light knock on my door.  
It opened, and Dallas came in and sat on my bed. I continued to stare at the wall in front of me.  
“C’mon, you’ve missed two days of school already. You have that big test tomorrow in History. I’ll head downstairs and make something for you.” He sighed and went out the door, and I could hear him slowly go downstairs into the bar kitchen.  
I got up and put on my jeans, a t-shirt, and one of Dally’s old hoodies.  
I can do this.  
It sure would be a hell of alot easier if I didn’t have to sit next to Susanna Marsh, whose brother got on the bus with Sodapop. Or, Mrs. Fitts, whose husband came home in a casket last thursday.  
I brushed my teeth, not bothering to look in the mirror, let my hair stay down, and made my way down to the bar. I sat at one of the stools, and Dallas brought out a couple of fresh pancakes, and a glass of water. I picked at them, aimlessly. I haven’t been real hungry lately. 

Dallas just looked at me with the same sad look I’d been getting for three days.  
“Sodapop wouldn’t want this, Jess. You know that.” He half whispered.  
I almost hit him in the moment, but he was right. I stared at him for a long while, and slowly, I let a smile spread across my face. I couldn’t think of anything that would make Sodapop more happy than if I was happy. So that’s what I would do.  
I wrapped my arms around Dally, and planted a kiss on his cheek.  
“You’re right, Dal. Love ya.”  
With that, I hopped off the stool and started out the door, slinging my bookbag around myself. Before I was out the door, Dallas scooped me up in a hug, fits of laughter erupting from him like I had never seen before.  
“Oh, geez, Dal.”I huffed.  
“I’ll see you at the cooler tonight okay?”  
I turned on my heels.  
“Dallas Winston, if you get yourself thrown into jail today I might kill you!” I yelled at him.  
“C’mon, last time I was this happy I robbed enough banks to make your head spin.”  
He smirked.  
“How about you go get a job, or help Darry clean the house, or throw the football around. Or start small.. Rob a little kid.” I said, eyebrows raised.  
He stuffed a pancake in his mouth and waved, walking back up the stairs. 

I took in a deep breath, and began to hum.


End file.
